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I have recently helped several clients negotiate better contracts for themselves. Not just better financially, but more aligned with professional goals they have and the types of work they actually enjoy doing. Negotiation is a steep learning curve for many, but vital to understand.

Getting to “Yes” – Negotiating with Panache

The higher you climb up the professional ladder, the more your daily work life revolves around negotiations for both you and your team mates. Most people initially think of salary packages when considering negotiation skills. However, these skills can range from eliciting help from colleagues to getting support for your new ideas from more senior colleagues and board members.

Identify your main goal for the negotiation and where you would be prepared to compromise. Always go in asking for a bit more than you would like, more money for a project, more salary or holiday entitlement, more funding for staff training. If you have an idea of what your main goals are, the areas on which you compromise will seem like “gifts” or concessions to the other side, making you appear more reasonable and willing to negotiate.

Do not remain so attached to the idea of “winning” the argument. Putting your point of view forward without seeming to be attached to the results helps others lower their guard, relax and be able to see your perspective. Going in with a cross to bear only elicits resistance and tension in others. If you stick to the benefits and logic of an argument, often others will embrace it and sometimes even think of it as their idea – a major benefit if you want implementation more than recognition.

Top Tips for Effective Negotiation

1. Assume everyone has influence. When trying to land a sale or impress at an interview, never assume you know who is completely in charge. Heads of organisations often take advice from a wide range of people, so don’t concentrate your efforts only on one person. A kind word for a secretary or personal assistant often helps just getting you the interview slot you want and in fact, many executives will solicit information about your demeanour from their staff. So don’t wait to turn on the charm until you see the whites of the CEO’s eyes – greet everyone with respect.

2. When entering a negotiation, listen to the other side first. You will frequently hear priorities that overlap with your point of view. Verbally recognise these points and build them into a foundation for the concept you are proposing. Listening also conveys that you want this to be a collaborative process, a good start for any negotiator.

3. Verbally reflect what they are saying to convey that you understand what they want. Use phrases like “What I hear you saying is-” or “If I understand you correctly -”. This allows them to correct any miscommunication while demonstrating they are truly being heard; an invaluable asset for any negotiation.

4. After listening, start by emphasising the points with which you agree. Shared priorities and experiences allow differences of opinion to be only one part of the story of how you both want to move forward.

5. If you can, phrase all of your questions in an open manner avoiding answers that are likely to begin with “No”. Limiting the usage of this word keeps the atmosphere feeling collaborative, not combative.

6. At the end, summarise the agreements, actions points and compromises each side will be taking from the meeting and minute the details as this can eliminate problems or back-tracking later on.

Life has become so busy. Long hours at work, rushing home to make dinner, spending time with the family and then opening up the laptop to finish off the days work. Finally, dropping into bed totally exhausted knowing that we have to do it all again tomorrow. When did we stop being present in the moment? Not looking to the past and regretting the mistakes we have made, and not looking to the future striving for something that always seems just out of reach.

One way to stay present is to practice gratitude. Gratitude will open doors for us that we didn’t even know were possible. If we are genuine in our thanks, and happy with what we have we will be rewarded. It is said that the action of being grateful is the most powerful action there is. It is so important more now than ever with the recent events of hurricane Sandy to count our blessings. There are so many people without the necessities of life, things that we take for granted on a daily basis.

To me, being grateful means knowing that I will be provided for, given exactly what I need and being thankful for just that. I walk into work each day, and most days earlier than I need to be just to sit at the desk and take in everything that has been given to me over the past year. I give thanks for a work space to call my own, a husband and a partner to share it with as well as the clients that I see regularly that are the reason why I have a roof over my head and food on my table.

Letting go of past anger and fear will also keep us present, but how can we even begin to find joy if we are always focused on what was or what will be. Joy is found by being present in the moment. Embracing what life has presented us, instead of worrying about tomorrow. Joy can come in all forms, like a song that has meaning, a breath of fresh air, or even an activity that you enjoy doing. Our joy is as individual as we are.

So I have a challenge for you; find a park bench and eat your lunch outside today, go for a walk with the family, pick a flower and put it on your desk at work, listen to your favorite song, but whatever you decide to do today, remain present.